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Suicide is Most Certainly NOT Painless

Posted on 08 Aug 2016 @ 7:35am by Lieutenant Commander Jayla Kij

Mission: History
Location: USS Impala
Timeline: 18 Years Ago

=/\=Yates to Doctor Jellic.=/\=

Saraja sighed and set down the PaDD she'd been reading. There was only one reason that Yates would be contacting her: Jayla. Jayla had done something again. That kid was always getting into trouble. It was usually petty stuff- slapping a boy in the face was the worst of it- but it all stemmed from her refusal to deal with being joined.

She tapped her com-badge. “Jellic here,” she said, trying to sound positive.

=/\=I just wanted to let you know that Jayla did not return to class after lunch.=/\=

Saraja closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose with one thumb and forefinger. “Thank you,” she sighed. “I'll have a word with her.”

=/\=You're welcome doctor.=/\= And she closed the link.

Saraja tried to go back to her reports, but she was too irritated with Jayla. After a few minutes, she tossed the PaDD onto her desk and left Sick Bay. She was going to find that girl and drag her back to class by her ears. She checked all of Jayla's usual haunts, but found no sign of her. Finally, she went back to her quarters, thinking perhaps she was just hanging out in her room.

But, when she walked through the door, the sight that greeted her made her blanch.

There lay Jayla on the blood-soaked carpet, pale and unmoving.

“Jayla!” exclaimed Saraja, rushing to her side and taking her wrist to check for a pulse. As soon as she did, she found the reason for all the blood: Jayla had slit her wrists. She choked on a sob and pressed her fingers to Jayla's neck instead. The pulse was thin, but it was there. And she was breathing, very shallowly. “Jellic to Sick Bay!” she said, tapping her com-badge. “Medical emergency in my quarters!”

Several hours later

Jayla was going to be okay. Physically. Mentally... well, Saraja had her doubts. If she would deal with the memories and face them, she had a chance. If she continued to refuse to follow Saraja's instructions.... Saraja didn't want to think about it.

For now, though, she had been patched up and given some synthetic blood and some real blood- donated by Saraja herself- and was finally showing signs of waking up.

Jayla opened her eyes. As soon as she did, a flood of emotion slammed into her from Kij- mostly it was love and calm, but such was her state of mind that she only noticed the disappointment and chastisement. She pushed it away and ignored all of it. She didn't need that right now. She was supposed to be dead. Why was she not dead? What had gone wrong?


She glanced towards the sound of the voice and saw Saraja standing nearby. She turned her head away as the tears stung her eyes.

“Jayla, you need to deal with it,” Saraja insisted. “Use Belar. He'll be nice. Let yourself experience his death.”

Jayla tried to resist the memories that popped into her head, but she was unable to. She clenched her fists and tried harder, but to no avail. She just couldn't keep him out.

“Don't resist, Jayla,” instructed Saraja. “Let it come. And when you get to the end, grab it! Hold on and don't let it go.”

Jayla tried. She wanted this to end and if Saraja wasn't going to let her kill herself, she would have to do it her way. So, as the memories of Belar, aged 97 years, flooded over her, she watched. She let it all roll over her, and, when the end came, she did as Saraja instructed and held onto it.

And what she found there was astonishing. It was peace. It was pure calm. It was the most amazing feeling of sheer comfort she had ever experienced.

She took a ragged breath and reached up to dash the tears away. “Are they all like that?” she asked quietly.

“Usually,” said Saraja, taking hold of Jayla's hand and giving it a squeeze. “Some of them are stronger than others, but there's always that moment of peace just before death. Grab each and every one of them! They will always overcome the moments leading up to it.”

And she was right. Jayla could now no longer dwell on the moments leading up to Belar's death. All that remained in her mind was the peace, the calm, the comfort. Quickly, she explored another death. And another. And another. They all ended in that lovely, wonderful peace.

After exploring seven deaths in total, she opened her eyes again and looked up at Saraja. “I'm really very stubborn, aren't I?” she asked shakily.

Saraja only smiled and leaned over to kiss Jayla's forehead. “Don't ever do something so stupid again, okay?” she asked, her voice full of tears.

“Promise,” answered Jayla.


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